DUEL FOR LOS ANGELES

 

 

Shootout

ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIC hit LA like a thunderbolt last Saturday. Everyone, it seemed, thought he was the anointed owner of LA Sports. Well… until baseball season started. Then SHOHEI OHTANI pulled out his weapons and is doing Babe Ruthian things – bashing homers throwing 99MPH fastballs & breaking wrists with sick sinkers.

There can only be one Sheriff in HYPETOWN. Let the showdown begin!

Zlatan Ibrahimović the Soothsayer

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His Full Page Ad in the LA Times with: “YOU’RE WELCOME” is pure Ibrahimovic – bold yet simple… I’m here LA… you’re welcome.

He showed off his old striker skills, willing  his prediction to reality, bringing the Galaxy back to life for a stunning win.  “YOU’RE WELCOME” LA

LA sports fans might soon realize that, like Ndamukong Suh The Great Zlatan comes with a “stompy foot” dark side. Both are as apt to dazzle as stomp an opponent’s hand. I predict a mixed bag of striking balls, busted chops and stomped on feet.

You’re Welcome, LA.

Rick Pitino’s Tat

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RICK PITINO’S back-tat is missing a whore. Louisville has been stripped of its honor, integrity and title. The School, also stripped bare of Pitino, Coach Rick will always have his back tat. At least he won’t have to see it everyday – unless he sees it in the mirror – backwards. Kinda fitting…

Adding a “No Regerts” tattoo would be a fitting postscript to the Pitino era.

 

“No Regerts” bro!

Bye Rick!

 

HELICOPTER PARENTING

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WHAT IS THE WORST THING about LaVar Ball? It’s not that his carney-barking or selling overpriced shoes, nor  his twitter arguments with Trump – it’s that he’s a shitty parent.

I don’t know more than what I see in media but he (and his wife) seem to have produced one son (Lonzo) who can play in the NBA and make his own way. LiAngelo seems to be a D-League human who will do and say what his dad tells him to say. Melo is the youngest and seems to be fully developed Duchenozzle. He’s learned from his dad the value of being a prick and now that his pop has pulled him out of school and prevented him from playing in college, he’s developed into a socially stunted duchenozzle.

So, off to Lithuania in in the winter for the Balls brothers to play organized street-ball with a bunch of 3rd rate Euro slugs who wouldn’t get picked to play on a concrete court in Manhattan Beach, let alone play for pay in the US. Super move LaVar! Your helicopter parenting is catching up to you and your kids, and no amount of money will change the fact that you’ve ruined them.

2017 HEISMAN to BAKER MAYFIELD

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BAKER MAYFIELD is the most impactful player in college football. He’s also passionate volatile and, a winner. Mayfield was the first walk-on to win the Heisman so it’s little wonder why he has a chip on his shoulder and, on occasion his passion spills over.

During the Kansas v Oklahoma game Mayfield was dissed by the J-Hawks and he turned the favor by grabbing his nut-sack and yelling “fuck you”.

To all the Naysayers – Baker Mayfield salutes you.

THE ROCKY TOP FLOP

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Most recently the Athletic Dept at Tennessee has been stepping on rakes. It’s 1st through about 12th choice for Head Football coach hasn’t been interested in the job. Hiring, then firing Doug Schiano in the same day didn’t help either. Now the AD is out.

“Head Ball” coaches are just not interested in coaching at Tennessee – which is really odd considering the rabid fanbase and the Football budget outspends Alabama.

The visual? The University of Tennessee has a rock. A rock, at Rocky Top. This rock is located on campus, and on this rock Vols spray-paint all sorts of stuff. Some creative, some not so witty. The rock is shaped weirdly like a face planted  dude with his ass in the air.

 

 

THE JUNKYARD DOG

I NEVER THOUGHT I’d ever do a cartoon analogizing POTUS as a junkyard dog. Alas Mr. Trump can’t help himself. He barks at everything from his own shadow to people who should mean nothing to him. Trump has the self-control of 4 year old in front of a cookie jar with mom in the next room. He’s incapable of acting like an adult.

Trump has been in a twitter snit directed at LaVar Ball, the huckster father of the Ball trio. Trump wants people to like him, and he wants to be thanked for interceding to get LiAngelo and two UCLA teammates out of China. He got his shorts in a tight when nutmeg LaVar wouldn’t thank him for interceding and then went on a snit.

Who would have dreamed up a POTUS sitting at the Resolute Desk tweeting nasty rants at a jackoff helicopter father? Not me. But alas he does, and did and there it is. A cartoon of Trump as a junkyard dog.

Junkyard Dog

SKIP BAYLESS – AMERICAN SUCCESS STORY

SKIPSKIP BAYLESS is a hero of mine. Oh, not because he’s bright, talented, funny or entertaining or for that matter, because he’s good at his job. He’s none of those things. No it’s because he made it to the top of sports commentary for being just the opposite. Bayless is a professional troll. A nincapoop who made it. A boob who makes millions being a lighting-rod of stupidity.

Bayless isn’t just frequently wrong, he’s almost always wrong. Recently he criticized Carson Wentz for getting “stripped” of the ball during a blow-out win. Expect, Wentz wasn’t stripped-sacked. Wentz wasn’t in the game, his backup was. Skippy doesn’t really pay attention to reality, because reality is boring. Reality requires thoughtful commentary. It’s much easier to be dumb as a post and comment on made up stuff. And Skippy really doesn’t care if he’s wrong, because in 5 minutes he’ll be wrong about something new. In that respect Skippy has the “shame” memory of a goldfish. He’s forgets how dumb he is in 30 seconds and moves on to the next dumb comment.

So, why do I say Bayless is my hero? Because, only in America can a man as dumb as Skippy make it to the top. He’s made a fortune notwithstanding being Skippy, and how great is that. Skippy should inspire millions of idiot, trolls and dolts to reach the top of the mountain. So many boobs should turn to Skippy as an example and say: “If Skippy can do it – well, by golly so can I!”.

 

KEVIN “TWITTER” DURANT

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KEVIN DURANT has multiple twitter accounts and all but one are his alter-egos. His alter-egos defend his rep by blasting trolls and “haters”. Imagine making 30 Million a year and being so insecure that you feel the need to check twitter for negative mentions and then responding to tweets with an alter-ego rant defending yourself. So time-consuming and silly.

 

ESCORT MR. FREEZE TO THE DOOR…

I’m not a fan of liars and hypocrites. Hugh Freeze quit is job today as head coach of Ole Miss football. Freeze is married and a church guy. For me, that means you keep your dick in your pants unless it’s your wife your pulling it out for.

Freeze claims he “pocket dialed” the escort service and it was clearly a mistake. I’m a lawyer, so the first questions I’d ask Mr. Freeze are:

So you pocket dialed an escort service. Are you claiming your ass randomly dialed an escort service with a local area code, or was the number in your contacts?

Oh, the number wasn’t in your contacts, so if I took a peek at your phone records, that number will only appear once – right? And your credit card statements won’t show any record for a purchase of “goods” – right?

No one believes you Mr. Freeze.

 

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