DUEL FOR LOS ANGELES

 

 

Shootout

ZLATAN IBRAHIMOVIC hit LA like a thunderbolt last Saturday. Everyone, it seemed, thought he was the anointed owner of LA Sports. Well… until baseball season started. Then SHOHEI OHTANI pulled out his weapons and is doing Babe Ruthian things – bashing homers throwing 99MPH fastballs & breaking wrists with sick sinkers.

There can only be one Sheriff in HYPETOWN. Let the showdown begin!

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Zlatan Ibrahimović the Soothsayer

Zoltar

His Full Page Ad in the LA Times with: “YOU’RE WELCOME” is pure Ibrahimovic – bold yet simple… I’m here LA… you’re welcome.

He showed off his old striker skills, willing  his prediction to reality, bringing the Galaxy back to life for a stunning win.  “YOU’RE WELCOME” LA

LA sports fans might soon realize that, like Ndamukong Suh The Great Zlatan comes with a “stompy foot” dark side. Both are as apt to dazzle as stomp an opponent’s hand. I predict a mixed bag of striking balls, busted chops and stomped on feet.

You’re Welcome, LA.

Rick Pitino’s Tat

Patino

RICK PITINO’S back-tat is missing a whore. Louisville has been stripped of it honor, integrity and title. Stripped bare of Pitino, but Coach Rick will always have his tat. At least he won’t have to see it everyday – unless he sees it in the mirror – backwards. Kinda fitting

Add a “No Regerts” tattoo would be fitting postscript to the Pitino era.

How’s it feel coach?

“No Regerts” bro!

Bye Rick!

 

HELICOPTER PARENTING

BBBHelo

WHAT IS THE WORST THING about LaVar Ball? It’s not that his carney-barking or hacking overpriced shoes or his twitter arguments with Trump – it’s that he’s a shitty parent.

I don’t know more than what I see in media but he (and his invisible wife) seem to have produced one son (Lonzo) who can play in the NBA and make his own way. LiAngelo seems to be a D-League human who will do and say what his dad tells him to say. Melo is the youngest and seems to be fully developed Duchenozzle. He’s learned from his dad the value of being a prick and now that his pops has pulled out of school and prevented from playing in college, he develop in a socially stunted duchenozzle.

So, off to Lithuania in in the winter for the Balls boys to play organized street-ball with a bunch of 3rd rate Euro slugs who couldn’t playing in the US. Super move LaVar! Your helicopter parenting is catching up to you and your kids and no amount of money will change the fact that you’ve ruined them. One hopes that Lonzo breaks from his father and turns into a decent man.

2017 HEISMAN to BAKER MAYFIELD

Heisman2017

BAKER MAYFIELD is the most impactful player in college football. He’s also passionate volatile and, a winner. Mayfield was the first walk-on to win the Heisman so it’s little wonder why he has a chip on his shoulder and, on occasion is passion spills over.

During the Kansas v Oklahoma game Mayfield was dissed by the J-Hawks and he turned the favor by grabbing his nut-sack and yelling “fuck you”.

To all the Naysayers – Baker Mayfield salutes you.

RED INK

SkipperMcScrooge

JOHN SKIPPER runs ESPN. He’s also running off talent with pink slips right before Christmas. Skipper needs ESPN to stop bleeding red ink, and that hard to do when you have multi-year contract for product people aren’t watching.  His solution is to cut actual talent and leave in place Etch-A-Scetching personalities like Mina Kimes and awful shows like SB6.

Skipper also doesn’t like Clay Travis. Travis is an online flamethrower and professional troll who sings a daily death dirge for ESPN. Travis has had former ESPN personalities on his show and they’ve been told (because they are still under contract) not to appear on his show – thus my cartoon.

 

HERM EDWARDS WANTS TO COACH A FOOTBALL TEAM

HERM EDWARDS seems to know how to pundit. He’s been doing it for a long time at ESPN, and he should stick to what’s he’s good at – not try to return to a profession he gave up a decade ago. Herm Edwards is [apparently] interested in the open head coaching job at Arizona State, and apparently Arizona State is oddly interested in a failed, retired 10 years ex-NFL coach.

Edwards has not coached, at all,  in 10 years. He hasn’t coached college football players in almost 30. Easy math – if he was hired as “Head Ball Coach” at Arizona State, there isn’t one player he’d coach-up who was alive the last time he tried that at the college level.

ASU might as well dig up Vince Lombardi and interview his corpse.

Herm