2016 OLYMPICS

RUSSIAN OLYMPIC STRATEGY

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REMEMBER WHEN THE USSR would send athletes to the Olympics and they looked like manufactured humanoid robots? The women looked like dudes and the guys looked freakish. I could swear that some of the swimmers had gills. All of them were “pros” in the sense that they were paid by the Commies to perform and win – at all costs.

No one that wasn’t blind doubted that they were juiced. The IOC finally cracked down and got better at testing for PEDs. The Commies medal count fell, then the Commie Empire fell, but that didn’t stop the Russians from cheating. This Summer the Russians were banned from the Rio Olympics for various sports and now the Paralympics have totally banned Russia from the Para-games because they are doping, their handicapped athletes. Wrap your head around that – a country is doping athletes to win at para-games. You have to be a special kind of awful to dope handicapped athletes to beat other handicapped athletes, but that’s Russia, they don’t give a shit about rules, they just want to win…

 

RYAN LOCHTE – GOLD MEDAL DUMMY

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YOU CAN’T GET DUMBER than being a celebrity, pretending your were robbed, then going on National and International TV and repeating the lie. Did Lochte really think that Rio’s Police wouldn’t investigate this… maybe look at video? Ask the Cabby if there was a robbery?  Ryan Lochte might be the dumbest athlete on the planet.

 

 

CUPPING FOR GOLD

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MICHAEL PHELPS and other Olympic American Swimmers are “cupping”. It’s an “ancient” Chinese method of drawing blood away from muscles to help muscles heal. I think it’s nonsense, but what do I know, I haven’t won Gold Medals.

What am I certain of? That crazy moms across America are checking Amazon, looking for “cupping” kits so they can start cupping their future Olympians (and their ticket to fame). Oh, its gonna happen – likely already is happening. There is no shortage of nutty helicopter parents out there who will do anything to get their kid on a national stage, and the camera on them in the stands.

DAILY NEWS

THE GOLD STANDARD

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MICHAEL PHELPS was trolled by rival CHAD le CLOS. Le Clos Shadow Boxed in front of Phelps in the Ready Room and did other silly boneheaded things that did nothing but motivate and infuriate Phelps. The “#PHELPSFACE hashtag  was popular – a photo of Phelps looking nasty.  Le Clos continued with the his antics right before the finals, staring at Phelps before they took to the blocks. None of it helped.

Phelps won his 20th Gold Medal with le Clos finishing in fourth, earning him a “Participation Ribbon”.

LILLY KING – OLYMPIAN

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LILLY KING doesn’t much like Russian cheater Yulia Efimova. During qualifying, when Efimova raised her finger signaling she was #1, Lilly wagged her finger back and forth in disgust to let the cheater know – no you are not number 1.

On Monday King threw some shade all over the reining World Champion and known cheater Efimova by winning the Breast Stroke in convincing fashion. Congrats Lilly.

Brazilian Hecklers

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HOPE SOLO, the US Soccer Keeper made a comment joked about Zika right before the first match. The Brazilians didn’t like it. Brazilians don’t like to be reminded that Rio dumps it’s saw human poop and garbage into it’s Bay, or that Gangs control about a 1/5 of Rio, or that their president was impeached, or their economy is in shambles… or Zika mosquitos are dive-bombing the Games.

So Brazil’s revenge? During the Americans first match, Brazilian Hecklers Yelled “ZIKA, ZIKA” at Hope Solo while she was in goal. I frankly don’t get the chant. Why they think that that might effect her play is beyond me. It’s not creative,  or original. If Solo had mocked Rio’s open sewage spewing into the Bay, would Brazilians have thought themselves clever chanting “Shit in the Bay… Shit in the Bay?”.

RIO OLYMPICS

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THE RIO OLYMPICS will be a “success”, if its not a total disaster. Brazil is a stinky pile of poop. The President has been impeached, the economy is in a shambles, ISIS is threatening to attack, the Rio Gangs are back in power and the Army can’t control them. Athletes arriving in Rio have found their living accommodations to be 3rd world status, with waste coming out of plumbing, open and exposed electrical lines and broken… everything.  ZIKA mosquitos are waiting for tasty arms and legs. Open sewage draining into the bay. Some delegations members have already been robbed, and the Games haven’t even started.

Start the Conga line its A RIO PARTY!

RIO OLYMPICS

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THE RIO OLYMPICS has the potential to be a disaster for Brazil. Forget that the county is a political mess – Athletes are opting out of participating for health concerns. Zika Virus is a major concern. Events like Rowing are plagued (see what I did there?) with pollution. The water is so bad that if an athlete ingests the water they could be become violently sick.

The US team will wear an Anti-Microbial Suit that is intended to keep out most micro-polluting sicknesses… but it doesn’t cover the athletes mouth…so…. yeah.

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED