THE HELTON ROLLERCOASTER

‘MEMBER LAST YEAR when Clay Helton was a genius? Remember two years ago when Helton was dog-meat after three games and was incompetent to coach an 8 year old’s AYSO soccer team? I do. Depending on the results on any given Saturday, Helton can be a loved or hated by SC faithful. Right now he’s not exactly loved in Trojan Land. To be honest without Sam Darnold the team does kinda look… terrible.

At present, USC’s fanbase wants a divorce. If Helton doesn’t make a memorable turnaround SC will be filing papers and moving on. USC Fickle fans

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SERENA – QUEEN DIVA

SERENA WILLIAMS is the best to ever play women’s tennis. She’s also a diva who, when losing, tends to blame everything and everyone within a tennis ball’s throw. Remember when she threatened to stuff a ball down a linesman’s throat. I hate to break the news but great athletes can be great big jerks.

Williams’ epic melt down was unfortunate and she made it all the worse by claiming that her punishment was the result of sexism. She claimed men are not punished like she was punished. Facts got in the way. The New York Times researched and it turns out men are sanctioned at three times the rate women are. Why? Likely because men are generally bigger jerks than women.

Williams claimed that her coach wasn’t coaching. Her coach admitted he was coaching. She threw a fit while she was losing the match and losing her cool and broke her racquet. She called the Ump a liar and a thief. She then demanded that the umpire apologize to her. Her pique was self-generated, windy nonsense. She wasn’t the victim of sexism, she was the victim of her own self-induced jerkism.

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CLUELESS DOWNUNDER

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Mark Knight apparently has no self-control and has no editor with self-control and he has no executive editor with a rudimentary ability to see the obvious. Justice Potter Stewart famously said about obscenity: “I’ll know it when I see it”. Justice Stewart would see the obscenity and racism in Knight’s cartoon. Knight’s explanation is, in “Australian” rubbish. There are a dozen ways he could have draw the concept of Williams being a big whinny baby. Like, draw her as… a big baby. He could have drawn Osaka in the foreground, her back to the camera , Osaka looking stunned glancing at Williams as a silhouetted figure slamming her racquet with the same talk bubble. All of the racist elements would have been eliminated and I assume he could have avoided drawing Osaka as a beach Barbie. But I suspect Knight’s intention wasn’t to comment about bad behavior; I think this cartoon was all about the international reaction he knew he’d get. And, apparently he has an editor who backs him up. Bottom line – a tabloid got what it wanted – millions of eyes on a garbage cartoon and it sullied my profession. I don’t need to repeat the vast condemnation I’ve seen – it’s well deserved. It includes a 2,000 word article in the New York Times ( with quoted “experts” on cartooning) and experts on race relations. Suffice to say I was shocked and saddened that Knight muddied what I consider an honorable and important art form – editorial sports cartoonist. I think I’m at the top of my craft and I am proud of the work I do and it hurts when I see exploitation for prurient reasons.

Justice Stewart would definitely declare Knight’s cartoon obscene. So does Justice Jimmytoons, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Sports Cartoonist.

HI KIDS! NIKE IS YOUR – FRIEND

child labor_bakNIKE is in the business of making money. It is not in the business of saving whales or throwing corporate bodies over baby seals about to be clubbed. It’s business isn’t shoes or hats or shirts. It’s money.

Nike makes that money by producing product, and that product is made, not by union labor, but “allegedly” by young people in foreign lands who couldn’t buy a pair of Jordans with a week’s worth of wages.

Nike’s produced a slick Ad featuring a new pitchman -Colin Kaepernick.

The tagline is: “Believe in something – even if means sacrificing everything”

I bet the kids who make overpriced Nike shoes believe in something – and I bet if they knew what Kaepernick was being paid to pitch that line, those kids would take Kaepernick’s suffering any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

 

 

WHEN OFFICIALS THINK THEY’RE THE GAME

JOE WEST is a veteran heavyweight MLB Umpire and generally a guy who seems interested in the camera being on him – which is kinda odd considering that he doesn’t seem to care about what he looks like.

Joe West isn’t the worst ump in MLB. That distinction, I think goes to Angel Hernandez. But West’s body of work presents a high ejection rate, an expanded strike zone, and a body that seems better fitted for a lounge chair at Leisure World than calling a game in The Show.

Over the weekend West walked over to Austin Davis, a Phillies reliever and confiscated Davis pocket-sized scouting report. Mind you, Davis has been using a scouting report all year and there is no rule against it, but that didn’t stop Joe West. Nope West took the sheet and lated said that he “didn’t want to throw Davis out of the game” because he wasn’t sure the sheet was illegal. What the holy hell? West took it upon himself to, once again, interject himself into a game, make it about Joe West and interfere with athletes playing professionally. West didn’t know the rule but decided he would make one up.

I think West needs to be fitted for a Leisure World lounge chair.

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